I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
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