Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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