dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
