i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
