if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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