His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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