I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
