nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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