Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
