yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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