Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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