She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need moral support for this bender
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
