I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
