Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
