Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
