if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
