apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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