my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My ATM looks so different sober.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
