ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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