dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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