His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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