I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
