I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
