The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
