Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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