Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ugly people sure do ruin things
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
