apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
