just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my poor anus
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
