when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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