well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
