someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
