Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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