8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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