Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Who died my cat blue again?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
