You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize