im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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