Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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