haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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