Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
