I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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