your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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