It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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