remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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