I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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