I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
