I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
