I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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