Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
