Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
