she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
