Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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