Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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