i may or may not be watching the land before time
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
