hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
