So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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