I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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