We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
