DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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