dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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