we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
