Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
