Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
