She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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